To me, Yamamoto is the kind of guy who tries really hard to be what other people want him to be. People want to see him smiling all the time because it reassures them, it makes them feel like it’s all going to be okay, like no matter how hard it gets or how painful it gets, Yamamoto will always be there, smiling and being a pillar of support— so that’s what he does. He plasters that fucking smile right on his face, even if it’s slowly killing him inside.
Reblogging because A. my blog needs something besides Sherlock on it and B. because yes, all this. Yamamoto’s such a tragic character, honestly. The type that’s really very critical of himself, the type that breaks down at even the smallest failure. And yet, he hides all that behind the brightest smile he can, constantly catering to others and what they need or want from him. He wears a mask constantly, so it’s really hard to read a thing about him, and most people just pass him off as being simplistic and air-headed. The few times characters do see something other than that, it passes so quickly because OH GOD, WHAT IF SOMEONE KNOWS I’M NOT HAPPY. I CAN’T BE SELFISH, I NEED TO BE STRONG FOR THE OTHERS.
It breaks my heart. Especially when I think of TYL and how he chose baseball, finally doing something for himself instead of others, and as a result had to lose his dad and so much else. Imagine what that would do to you — knowing that because you chose this one selfish thing, your family was killed (that’s not to say that it wouldn’t have happened anyway, but the chances of him being able to protect his dad would’ve been greater had he chose the Vongola, at least in his mind, I’m sure). It must eat away at him every day. How -dare- he be happy, how -dare- he do something for himself.
I’d imagine he never, ever thinks about that dream again. He pledges himself fully to the Vongola and it’s not something he regrets, because he loves his friends, and he wants to protect them. But all the mafia business slowly kills him inside because he wasn’t meant for it.
He just smiles anyway, because everyone needs him.